Timer off..

So here I am.. Lost somewhere!! But even this new temporary place looks good. New people, new atmosphere.. everyday you get to see a new face ( good thing) And every week a new time table to follow…lolz. A dynamic working environment….Holy shit!! For a while it all looks good. Made great friends…met some of most nicest people.. OKK..Nikhil is also sweet jus that he is little too much in himself. But really helpful. No idea where life will take or how I am going to live it up… But this phrase seems good. Exact thing and exact kinda place where you want to be after college. Best part is that nakul and jatin are also there… so no-being-new-kinda-feel.

Probably I am speaking too much. Hope mujhe apni hi nazar na lag jaye..hehehe. Touchewwod!! And Bhuvan—hmm… uska kuch nai ho sakta! I wish kuch hota. He checks me out..I do! We talk at times.. And after sometime he’ll also leave so I am.. But the problem is that I don’t want to leave him. I want to be with me. OMG..dunn know how to tell him. And he looks like a flirt. I know nothing about him. I have become such lallu.. kuch bhi nikalwa nai sakti. Yea… I guess many people know about my crush on him but no use until he himself say something. All he knows is how to take my advantage while taking calls so I am there to help him out. Kya yaar..usko gaali dena ka bhi mann nai karta. I am seriously in love after such a long time and that too so strongly. Whenever he is there… Jus don’t feel like leaving the place. Whenever with him.. not feel like leaving him. In nights there is just one thought.. That is about him. Certainly I am in love but wo usko koi farak bhi nai padta. And when meenakshi wil leave I know I also won’t be able to continue and my intuion keeps on telling that this would lead nowhere. But then also why also my heart don’t understand this. No idea what, how and where and what turn it will take. For now all I just now is I am in love with him. And he is not!! Too bad na… I know. Don’t even know hat to say to him. But somehow it kills somewhere.. Track has changed to Barenaked ladies- Off the hook!! Perfect song to suit him..huh.

He is your imaginary friend..

You were partners till end. K

Nice song! I don’t know…but this song is so nice… and the movie. Sweet November also. Right now, If I give a thought ki kya hoga mera ..ye farak nai padta..what matters right now the most in all truest way and what heart wants is that Bhuvan and I be happy together. But uske liye pehle together to ho jaye..phew! He is driving me crazy. And my love for him is not ending… Shit. It feels like first time to be in love.

Track changed to Oasis’s Wonderwall. Another good song. And it also matches my situation…

You gotta be the one who saves me.

You are my wonderwall

Bhuvan, please yaar..tell me if you also feels the same way?

———————————————————————————————–

Today is gonna be the day
That they’re gonna throw it back to you
By now you should’ve somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don’t believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I’m sure you’ve heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don’t believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don’t know how

Because maybe
You’re gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after all
You’re my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day?
But they’ll never throw it back to you
By now you should’ve somehow
Realized what you’re not to do
I don’t believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

And all the roads that lead to you were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don’t know how

I said maybe
You’re gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after all
You’re my wonderwall

I said maybe
You’re gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after an
You’re my wonderwall

Said maybe
You’re gonna be the one that saves me
You’re gonna be the one that saves me
You’re gonna be the one that saves me

Dodging away!! Meet you someother day..But I want to meet you someday

 

In the soundless time… In the washed out smiles

The bluntness of the moment jabs from inside

Hours to days and days to weeks- suddenly like a sand slipping away

 

Find a way to rescue me and make everything stay.

 

Old strings in chaos… Broken, tangled and downy in line..

 

Scars finally showing on pale skin…

Blood brood the wounds that never heeled with time

 

This New lease is unlike the older ones I had –

 

The peace inherited lost somewhere in streets of Bedlam

…in moments when I needed you the most.

 

Follow me,

Follow the air that flows out the heart

Catch me some day, some hour at some unexpected age.

 

 

Life happens always..

Why it is always that a natural death at one deepest point has to be peaceful. Utterly silent! Calm! Is it like a wait for a bus that has finally arrived! An escape from a hot, sweaty sun that you can’t bear! Never seen a man who is not ready to die even after suffering from a long chronicle disease… Suffering yes, it has to be ended. And if the solution is death, then why not!

 

I don’t know when I’ll be dying if I be as peaceful as him.

 

All my laughter over the years, all my thought process, all my dreams, all my successes and my fears and a hope to conquer them one day will just mean nothing in front of the suffering. All the desires given up for a misery. I pity such death for me. For everyone… Depressing! But then if you know there is no End to this pain and the only way out is your last breath exhaled out from your body. The idea facilitates the process and the agony.

 

Yea, nevertheless a sadistic death again!

 

A man can never be happy. A man’s wishes can never be fulfilled. Today I want this, tomorrow that and day after that I want another that. Desires can never be fulfilled. Not even at death bed. Not till the last gulp of air that will make him/her a it. They are endless! And you can never make a list out of them.

 

But what you can do is be satisfied with ‘oh yea…at least I got these.’

 

At those times, we look at our achievements. ‘You know… I got that!’ ‘I also got that’.  It eases the hunger for wanting more. Satisfaction crops in! Indeed, helps to relax and yes, helps to die. However, I am not sure I’ll advocate this.

 

Dying can be a big word, let’s say sleep. Everyday some good wise men came along and tell to reevaluate the day before you sleep. It helps and yes motivates too…

 

Anyway, the main focus is desires – can never be fulfilled. Never!

 

And the biggest slip is that believing that desires will make us happier. I wish they really can! With this, at the end of a day, some Richard Branson would have been most relaxed, most peaceful, the happiest man in this entire universe.

 

Life always happens in moments – A rare thought! And the best part is it can’t be brought back. I love this part!! Just one moment needed to bring a smile, a cheer, a laugh, a tear, a pain, a twinge…. Any emotions which can be described always happened in a moment. Possibly, a whole lot of thought process working at a back-end but it take a prompt of flash to exhibit and recognize it.

It’s so true – Life always happens in moment. No other second, no other imitation can bring back the ecstasy of that time.

 

Try it yourself; keep on recalling the event which made you laugh like an animal. You will be happy and smiling with the memory but that first laugh, that experience – I wish it could be describable. This is life. Happening, always happening. I don’t care if it is good or bad. Best or worst! But it is continuously happening. Always in the mode of occurring!! Always!

 

I guess this thought will make my death easier. LOL. Though I am too young to talk about an old man’s death! But yes, this thought is more cheerful that my life will be happening till my last exhalation, till the last gulp of air I’ll puff out!!

 

To start with..

Possibly, it was the voice of gods wandering with the swift passage of wind or blowing from the lands of gods to us earthly…passing each ear, transiting each body, touching every soul and bringing spirits alive. Eternal they live. Every heart it pervades through felt a gesture of greatness of the gods and the titans. It gradually went kind. It went humble. It went calm. It felt happiness. With those words moving from one body to another, from one mouth to another ear, to another mouth to another ear - the process continued. And so with it the language of gods changed. The pseudo gods modulated it – making it more noisy, chaotic and errrrrr.. but passing it from one half god to another. 

 

Modified – for good or bad, still to decide!

 

Actually giving it another thought, no one decides…and it is left undone! For every death, for every mortality the half gods turns into a half demon… and die. Not a good or bad thing but yet unknown to objective correctness of his wisdom, his words being processed on the scale of correctness or not? Then another question comes in light - What is Correctness? No measure, no dictionary can define it. Not even the biggest philosopher! Because not a single thought, not a single sound is complete. Pity! Dying undone, dying incomplete

*Pessimist thought, I know* 

 

Someone has said – “Knowledge never ends”. And yes, it is immortal. More great that a human life…More great than gods themselves. It is still moving, swifting along with the cool breeze of air in the sounds and words.

 

But then for every utterance occurred – life exists. For every word said – immortality exists…  In echoes, in sounds. What I said, what you said – even after our demise they’ll LAST.

 

Imagine! My voice will be living even after my death… moving in the air.

 

Who knows right now how many sounds are swifting in air, or what god whispered right now.